Yesterday, we discussed how parental drinking can have an impact on our children. It was a fascinating conversation about how to have positive, honest conversations about alcohol with young people, and where to find help and support if you’re worried about your own drinking or someone else’s. It’s a conversation that probably happens less often than it should.
Daisy spoke with guests, Dave Wilson, aka Sober Dave, and Sarah Acheson from Oasis Project, a charity that supports families affected by drugs and alcohol. They talked about how lockdown and the pandemic might have had an impact on parents’ drinking and what the knock-on effect has been on children. Dave talked candidly about his experiences of drinking, how that affected his family and relationships, and his decision to go sober.
Oasis Project is on Twitter @Oasis_Project_, on Facebook facebook.com/OasisPrjct and Instagram @oasis_project_. Their website is at: oasisproject.org.uk Also Young Oasis provides a place of safety and support for children and young people who have been affected by a family member’s drug or alcohol misuse. Oasis Project also links with One Stop, Brighton’s specialist midwifery team for pregnant women/people where alcohol or other substances are a concern. They offer care and support by a multi-disciplinary team.
We Are With You charity, wearewithyou.org.uk, offers free, confidential support with alcohol, drugs or mental health from local services or online
NACOA, nacoa.org.uk, (the National Association for Children of Alcoholics) provides information, advice and support for everyone affected by a parent’s drinking
We caught up with the ace Luci Hammond from ru-ok? today to talk about parenting and the challenges of teenage drinking. Ru-ok? offers free confidential advice, guidance, support and information on drugs, alcohol and sexual health for under 18s in Brighton & Hove, their parents / carers or concerned others.
Daisy and Luci spoke about how to broach the difficult topic of alcohol, of safe limits and how to deal with peer pressure and shame. You can watch the full discussion below.
Luci told us about some fascinating research from the University of Brighton and Drink Aware that looked at “what makes for effective conversations about alcohol between parents and their 15-17 year olds”. It includes some excellent advice, such as:
Modelling behaviour – recognising how parents can influence a child’s attitude to alcohol, and the benefit of having open conversations about drink
Managing that first invitation to a party by checking in with other parents and talking to your child about strategies to prevent harm.
When and how to start a conversation about alcohol – being open and honest and having small, informal chats that could be related to TV soaps or when you’re doing the shopping often take the heat out of the interaction and helps to demystify alcohol for young people.
Next week’s Facebook Live is on Thursday 17th June, and we’ll be tackling the thorny issue of adult drinking and how a parent’s behaviour might affect our teens. Join us on our Make (Good) Trouble Facebook Page or our Raising Teens Facebook Group.
If you have a question, please leave a comment below.
Some parents wonder when, where and how to start a conversation about cannabis. They ask themselves and others: ‘What age is the right age to start talking about drugs?’ Or, ‘Should I ask the questions, or should I wait until my child ask me something?’ Every child is different, so there is no ‘right age’ to start talking about cannabis. But it makes sense to have your first conversation before your child is likely to try using cannabis. That way you establish a connection and share your expectations before they are exposed to any risk associated with cannabis.
Responding to your child’s cannabis use
Discovering (or suspecting) your child has been using cannabis or any other drug can be scary, especially if you feel that it is not just part of ‘normal’ experimentation. While it can be tough to resist the urge to go wild with worry or anger, the best thing you can do for your child is to respond responsibly. It is important not to let your concerns harm the relationship and the trust you have with your child.
1) Stay Calm
Yelling and making threats will not help the situation. If anything, ‘freaking out’ will give your child another reason to hide things from you. Searching their room or personal belongings may harm the trust between you and your child.
2) Talk to your child
Sit down with them and tell them how you feel. If they are high, wait until the effects have worn off so you can have a more meaningful discussion. Say ‘I’m worried because…or ‘I’m afraid because…’. Then give your child an opportunity to express their own feelings. Make sure they know you are really listening. And allow them time to think things through before speaking.
Learn why your child is using drugs. Find out what led them to try cannabis in the first place. Was it because their friends were using it and they wanted to fit in? Was it for the ‘buzz’ that comes from having an altered state of consciousness? Was it because they wanted a way to escape? Was it to manage symptoms of anxiety or other mental health problems? If so, you might want to consider seeking help from a mental health professional. It may also be helpful to find out how often your child uses cannabis.
Young people use cannabis because they feel it benefits them. The most common reasons a youth uses cannabis are:
To feel good – young people may use cannabis to feel more social, celebrate or relax. Using cannabis to feel good is associated with moderate use. There is still some risk, as there is in life in general.
To feel better – cannabis can help to reduce anxiety in social situations or when trying to connect with others or reduce symptoms of chronic anxiety or depression. If young people use cannabis regularly to deal with troubling feelings, then use may become problematic.
To do better – some young people feel pressure to improve their performance, ‘get going’ or ‘keep going’.
To explore – Young people may use cannabis out of curiosity or to ‘walk on the edge’, trying something new and different.
If your child is engaging in risky activities such as using cannabis at school or selling cannabis, it is important to talk with them about why they are engaging in these activities so that you can assess the level of risk, help them think through the consequences and identify alternatives. For example, if your child is selling cannabis to make money, talk with them about safer ways to earn an income.
Quick tips for safer cannabis use
Avoid smoking cannabis with tobacco.
Avoid deep inhalation or breath-holding.
Use a vaporizer if smoking cannabis, use joints rather than water bongs.
Use a small piece of rolled unbleached cardboard as a filter to prevent burns.
Only use cannabis purchased from a trusted source.
Signs of risky or harmful cannabis use
Using regularly at an early age daily or near daily use.
Using during school or work.
Using as a major form of recreation
Using to cope with negative moods
Experiencing chronic coughing, shortness of breath, wheezing or psychotic symptoms.
Long term effects of cannabis use
Decline in IQ (up to 8 points if prolonged use started in adolescence)
Poor school performance and higher chance of dropping out.
Impaired thinking and ability to learn and perform complex tasks.
Lower life satisfaction
Addiction (about 9% of adults and 17% of people who started smoking as teens become addicted)
Potential development of opiate abuse
Relationship problems, violence, antisocial behaviour including stealing money or lying
Financial difficulties
Increased welfare dependence
Greater chances of being unemployed or not getting good jobs.
This post was written by Carl Scott, Youth Worker Follow Carl on Instagram @carl_scott_official
We talked about weed and drug-taking with experts Toby Chown from Oasis Project, Carl Scott from Reboot Sussex, Luci Hammond from RU-OK? and PC Joe Davies from Sussex Police.
If you’re concerned about a young person getting involved in drugs or county lines, getting advice before talking to them can really help. Call Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.
Our latest Q&A is all about weed and drug-taking. We’ve seen a rise in concerns from parents and teens about use of weed, and worries about county lines. We brought together a group of brilliant experts: Carl Scott, a youth worker from Reboot Sussex; Toby Chown from charity Oasis Project which helps families affected by alcohol and drug use; Luci Hammond from RU-OK?; and PC Joe Davies from Sussex Police.
Watch our half hour conversation (below) which covered:
signs to look out for if you think your teen is taking drugs;
how a parent should approach them and talk about concerns;
advice about what effect different drugs have on the body;
when to seek help and where to find it;
parent’s influence
what to do if you’re concerned about drug dealing and county lines;
and what the law says.
If you’re concerned about a young person getting involved in drugs or county lines, getting advice before talking to them can really help. Call Crimestopperson 0800 555 111.
HELP & SUPPORT
Talk to Frank Information for parents worried about their child and demystifying the language around drugs
Oasis Project, helps women, children and families affected by alcohol or drug misuse, and Young Oasis providing a place of safety and support for children and young people
RU-OK? Part of Brighton & Hove Children’s Services, working alongside under 18s whose lives are affected by substance misuse in Brighton & Hove. RU-OK? adolescent service switchboard – 01273 293966 – ask for RU-OK
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