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As part of our programme of parent and carer get-togethers – our amazing beach walks – we spoke to psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb about teen mental health, wellbeing and tips for dealing with:

  • school stress
  • anxiety and exam stress – including how to speak to your teenager and the school about anxiety
  • the teenage brain – when teens seem like they just don’t care!
  • how to manage conversations around their mental health
  • breathing techniques for de-stressing
  • sleep and creating a better sleep routine
  • setting boundaries and expectations – around what we expect as parents, and what our teenagers expect
  • how to look after ourselves
  • and the benefits of having ‘worry time’.

It’s a fascinating discussion, so grab a cuppa and dive in!

This project has been supported by the Sussex Care Partnership, Brighton & Hove City Council

Brighton & Hove City Council logo

For further help & advice

If you need further help or advice, check our Help pages – they cover lots of different topics. (If we’ve missed something, let us know!)

Find out more about Donna at Make Sense Psychotherapy

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Welcome to the last in our series on families & alcohol. We were joined by NACOA ambassador, Josh Connolly, for a frank and supportive discussion about how we can open up discussions about alcohol and how to avoid conflict. Importantly, Josh gave us a real insight into how children are affected by a parent who drinks. He shared his story, of having a father who was an alcoholic, and then his own struggle with drink and becoming a father himself. And I think the most astonishing thing Josh told us in his interview was that “one in five children are living with a parent that drinks hazardously, so enough to harm the people around them”.

“If you’ve got a four-year-old and their parent can’t show up to them because they’re drinking every night, then that four-year-old has two options: Admit to themselves that their parents are never going to be able to turn up for them, or try and change themselves and hope that it’s their fault. And they’re going to do the second thing. And the reason is because at least it gives them some control. Maybe if I can do good enough at school, maybe if I can be funny, maybe if I can be naughty, then – whatever it may be – maybe if I can do this, then my parent’s going to stop drinking.

“So, in that case, then I think you have to find a way to start talking to them about it. I don’t think you have a choice. Otherwise you’re leaving them on their own with it.”

You can watch the full interview (30 mins) here:

⭐️ You can see all the discussions from our series and find where to get help and support here: Raising Teens Live: Families and Alcohol

Help & advice

If you need support or information, take a look at our Help page on Alcohol and Drugs.

NACOA, National Association for Children of Alcoholics, offers advice and information, including a helpline 0800 358 3456, message boards and online chat.

BeSober is a non-profit community organisation helping individuals to manage and control their alcohol intake and to transform their mindset, health and wellbeing around alcohol.

Find out more about Josh Connolly on his website: joshconnolly.co.uk
Follow Josh on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram

To help with managing conflict at home:
for parents whether together, separated or considering separation, who want to find ways to improve their relationship and get on better: Parent relationships (brighton-hove.gov.uk) 
Ideas on how to reduce tension and arguments at nine: Getting On Better cards (brighton-hove.gov.uk)

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“If you are experiencing this, I would say reach out to somebody” Suzanne Harrington

“They feel really upset talking about the parent that’s drinking because they love their parents and they feel it’s a sense of betrayal, talking to me about something that their mum or dad is doing. So it’s really about, in the beginning, just building up that relationship with the young person so they start to know that there’s no judgement.” Sue Kleinman, Back on Track

In the third in our series of live discussions about parenting and alcohol, Daisy talked to Sue Kleinman, Family Worker from Back on Track, and mother and daughter Suzanne Harrington and Lola about their experiences. Suzanne is a recovering alcoholic and, like many others, lapsed during the pandemic. She described her drinking years as like being on “an endless hamster wheel” and that those feeling the same should reach out for help.

Lola talked about her open discussions with her mum about her past drinking, “It’s not some secret thing, which I think is so important”.

Read the transcript: When does a parent’s drinking affect children?

⭐️ You can see all the discussions from our series and find where to get help and support here: Raising Teens Live: Families and Alcohol

Help and support

Back on Track, brighton-hove.gov.uk/back-track-brighton-hove, support for families in Brighton & Hove when a parent is drinking too much.

Oasis Project is on Twitter @Oasis_Project_, on Facebook facebook.com/OasisPrjctand Instagram @oasis_project_. Their website is at: oasisproject.org.uk
Also Young Oasis provides a place of safety and support for children and young people who have been affected by a family member’s drug or alcohol misuse.
Oasis Project also links with One Stop, Brighton’s specialist midwifery team for pregnant women/people where alcohol or other substances are a concern. They offer care and support by a multi-disciplinary team.

RU-OK? offers free confidential advice, guidance, support and information on drugs, alcohol and sexual health for under 18s in Brighton & Hove, their parents / carers or concerned others.

NACOA, National Association for Children of Alcoholics, offers advice and information, including a helpline 0800 358 3456, message boards and online chat.

Al-Anon and Al-Ateen offer help for adults and teens affected by someone else’s drinking.

Young Carers offer one to one support in Brighton & Hove including group and respite activities and advocacy and support with services. The referral form can be found here: carershub.co.uk as well as further information about the project. If anyone would like to discuss a young carer or a young person themselves would like to talk to somebody, their number is 01273 746222 and there is someone in the office almost every day from 9-5. They have no waiting list for support.

The Children’s Society suport for Young Carers – they “help them find balance, give them space to enjoy being young and support them into adulthood so they can pursue their dreams outside of caring.”

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Yesterday, we discussed how parental drinking can have an impact on our children. It was a fascinating conversation about how to have positive, honest conversations about alcohol with young people, and where to find help and support if you’re worried about your own drinking or someone else’s. It’s a conversation that probably happens less often than it should.

Daisy spoke with guests, Dave Wilson, aka Sober Dave, and Sarah Acheson from Oasis Project, a charity that supports families affected by drugs and alcohol. They talked about how lockdown and the pandemic might have had an impact on parents’ drinking and what the knock-on effect has been on children. Dave talked candidly about his experiences of drinking, how that affected his family and relationships, and his decision to go sober.

You can find Dave Wilson on Instagram as @soberdave, and Twitter as @soberdaveuk and on his website: davidwilsoncoaching.com. He also has a podcast called One for the Road

Oasis Project is on Twitter @Oasis_Project_, on Facebook facebook.com/OasisPrjct and Instagram @oasis_project_. Their website is at: oasisproject.org.uk
Also Young Oasis provides a place of safety and support for children and young people who have been affected by a family member’s drug or alcohol misuse.
Oasis Project also links with One Stop, Brighton’s specialist midwifery team for pregnant women/people where alcohol or other substances are a concern. They offer care and support by a multi-disciplinary team.

⭐️ You can see all the discussions from our series and find where to get help and support here: Raising Teens Live: Families and Alcohol

Other Help & Support

We Are With You charity, wearewithyou.org.uk, offers free, confidential support with alcohol, drugs or mental health from local services or online

NACOA, nacoa.org.uk, (the National Association for Children of Alcoholics) provides information, advice and support for everyone affected by a parent’s drinking

Back on Track, brighton-hove.gov.uk/back-track-brighton-hove, support for families in Brighton & Hove when a parent is drinking too much.

Next week…

Next Thursday’s Facebook Live: At what age does our drinking start to impact a child? Join us on our Make (Good) Trouble Facebook page or our Raising Teens Facebook group. If you have a question, post in the comments below.