“I’ll tend to go for more masculine looks when I’m going outside at night because I feel like that’s less of a target, but I feel like a lot of things need to be done because I shouldn’t be sacrificing my gender expression in order to be safe at night. […] I shouldn’t have to think about whether or not my keys can fit in my knuckles on the night. I should be able to go out at night. So should everybody else.”

By Xenith Pocknell

I spoke to a non-binary young person for series 4 of our radio show Raising Teens about their experience transitioning, how it affects how they perceive their own safety in the city and what being harassed feels like. The young person has been de-identified and will be referred to via they/them pronouns throughout this article.

The interview was powerful, moving and raised points that many of us in the binary world wouldn’t even consider. We spoke about their experience of how they present when they go outside, and how they feel about the public’s perception of them.

Most of us don’t consider this within our binary lives, the normalisation of having two distinct genders within our culture has resulted in those who feel outside of this having to choose between identities that they know don’t accurately represent them.

Raising Teens series 4 broadcasts at 9pm, Monday the 7th of February 2022 with our first episode “Safety in the City”. The show is hosted – as always – by Guy Lloyd talking to our guests, Sargent Joe Davis from Sussex Police (@sussexpoliceforce), Sean Older from Brighton Streets Project (@brightonstreets1) and mother of two Suzanne Harrington. You can watch the trailer for series 4 below.

Please be aware this article includes statistics that may be upsetting to some readers.

HARASSMENT

“It feels like having a massive target on my head for no reason […] that you didn’t really choose to have, just by existing.”

For those of us that haven’t experienced much street harassment, this concept of having a target on your head for no reason may seem alien, which is exactly how it makes you feel to be harassed in the first place, like an alien being drawn unwanted attention to because of how you dress, how you present yourself, how you talk.

All of us have experienced some level of harassment at some point, and if you’re struggling to picture what that feeling is like, think back to high-school, when the teacher would call on you to answer a question you didn’t know the answer to and the whole class looked at you, expectantly, waiting. Now imagine that feeling on a larger scale, you’re not in a warm classroom of your peers but you’re on the street walking to work or coming home after seeing your friends and a stranger yells at you about your appearance, expecting you to react to them in a positive way because they were ‘just giving you a compliment’.

The problems raised by street harassment won’t be solved by victim blaming and telling young people that their dress is to revealing or their skirt too short, or that if they want to be safe they should carry their keys between their fingers, these problems will be solved by educating those that harass in the first place.

Teach young people not to disrespectfully yell out to strangers on the street, and teach them to approach someone they might be interested in, ask about them calmly and – most importantly – teach them that ‘no’ is an acceptable answer and should stop whatever interaction prompts it instantly.

FEELING SAFE

“I know presenting as quite an androgynous person causes confusion for some people and I will get double takes, I’ll get whispers of ‘is that a boy or a girl?’ you know, the whole general stigma. I’ll tend to now present myself as either very strongly feminine or very strongly masculine in order to fit into those specific boxes to avoid the confusion, to avoid the harassment, which I wouldn’t normally have done before.”

40% of transgender people in the UK change how they dress when they go out, which increases to 52% for non-binary people, according to the Stonewall Trans report, 2018

Most of us can’t imagine how it feels to not be able to present yourself as your true identity. Those of us who are transgender and can ‘pass’ in the cisgendered community would not consider how difficult it is to have to choose between two identities that don’t represent us. We’re striving to achieve a look that matches the binary gender we know we are. Some of us may be forced into presenting in a way we don’t feel comfortable with. But we will never really know what it feels like to choose between two identities, neither of which match our own.

The looks you get whilst presenting as an androgynous person can be quite terrifying, it’s almost like they’re actively trying to label you as you walk past and when they can’t, it’s almost an expression of anger that crosses their face, as if to say; ‘How dare you not fit into my understanding of the binary’.

There is a long way to go before most people on the street will look at you with complete acceptance of you just existing there, rather than trying to judge how they should treat you based on their ill-conceived notions of gender.

LEARNING ABOUT HARASSMENT

“[My parents] didn’t really know, I don’t think they had the resources to educate me on it. Of course they want me to be safe, every parent and every carer wants their child to be safe, but I think there’s a lack of resources on what to do if your child is trans [and] how to keep your child safe.”

In 2019, MPs in the UK voted in favour of mandatory LGBTQ+ sex and relationship education in schools (538 in favour, 21 against)

There is no longer the fear that being taught about LGBTQ+ relationships and gender in school will ‘turn your child gay or trans’, which is a big step forward from Section 28 in 1988, a draconian piece of legislation which came into law in 1988 and effectively banned schools from discussing same sex relationships, which was finally repealed in 2000. The changes that have happened since were only brought about by education, which will still constantly need to be continued and updated to make sure we don’t fall back into harsh, unnecessary legislation.

It’s time all children were taught about the LGBTQ+ rights and the issues they have faced and still face today – even if they aren’t LGBTQ+ themselves – this education will give young people the language they need to be able to better understand themselves and the world around them, either leading to those who are LGBTQ+ being able to come into their identity easier, or for those who aren’t LGBTQ+ it will result in a decrease in phobia’s around things they don’t understand.

Our upcoming series of Raising Teens includes perspectives from the police, which is an institution that could still greatly benefit from education, which was a big issue for our young person.

MAKING CHANGES AND GETTING HELP

”I think the police need a bit more training in how to deal with hate crimes, how to deal with harassment, how to deal with even assault, and I feel like once that training has been completed, then we can have them as a constant presence […] until that training’s been done and until they’ve proven themselves that they do care about us, that they are fully invested in our safety, and once that trust has been restored between the entire LGBTQ+ community, then we can move on to what to do next”

Four out of five trans people in the UK have experienced some form of transphobic hate crime. Only one in seven reported this to the police, one in three did not report the crime for fear of transphobia from the police. (Galop: Trans Hate Crime Report, 2020)

While there are indeed many good people working within the police force to combat the discrimination we have seen historically, for many trans people a shiver of fear goes through them when a police car drives past. Many of us weren’t alive to witness the Stonewall riots which were started by people retaliating to police brutality and homophobia in 1969. The fear and tension from those riots caused the spark to ignite the fire that would become our 21^st century rights as a community and is still felt by many of us today.

This fear and tension has lessened, but is still there and is felt in the hearts of many trans people today. The way forward is through training and education, not just for our school and our children, but for those who are supposed to be our first go-to when we are discriminated against.

While there is still some way to go, the future no longer looks as bleak for trans people. We have made a lot of slow, yet steady progress over the years and with the sex and relationship education reforms, it will be easier to teach love instead of fear.

”For any young trans person that’s listening to this, don’t take this as a sign to not go out at night, you should be allowed to go out and to have fun with your friends and to be safe at the same time. The acknowledgement of harassment and possible risks that may happen if you go out is simply a way for you to keep yourself safe […] don’t stop your life just because you’re scared of something happening […] just keep yourself safe and know what to do if something does happen.”

The goal is always to feel safe when you’re going out, and no one should have to experience feeling unsafe when they go out, but until we reach that goal we can educate, inform and reduce the risks people face when they’re out alone.

You can hear more from this young person on our upcoming episode “Safety in the City” on series 4 of Raising Teens. Watch the trailer below.

For more information on where you can go if you need support, check out our help section.