Parents

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Of all the subjects we’ve covered so far on Raising Teens, this one was the biggest eye-opener for me. Our teen reporter, Lola, interviewed some amazing teens who give honest accounts of how loneliness and social anxiety has affected them.

Did you know that Brighton has the most internet searches for the word ‘lonely’? In 2016 Childline saw a marked increase in the number of children who felt “miserable, misunderstood or isolated” with many too “embarrassed” to admit to feeling lonely. There are many reasons cited including the pressures of social media, bullying, moving home or school, living in care or having an illness or disability. We felt that it was important to cover loneliness and social anxiety in teens this series. And from Lola’s interviews, we found that it was something that teenagers often hide and it’s just not talked about.

Our guests were Danny Gray, founder of War Paint for Men, psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb and Zara Philips from Albion in the Community.

🔊 Listen to Raising Teens: Loneliness

Our guests gave advice for teens who might be suffering from loneliness and social anxiety, and for parents:

Danny Gray

Think about who your young person can speak to – it doesn’t have to be a parent or adult. As a parent, reach out to your young person and get them to talk to their friends or anyone they feel comfortable with.

Zara Philips

For a teenager, find that one person that understands you – that could be within a school setting. It could be a friend, family. And parents should always share their concerns with school. They can help.

Donna Peters-Lamb

For parents – start young and enable your young people, as they grow into teenagers, to feel confident. Join clubs finding different groups of people to be around. Breathing techniques are invaluable – so breathe out for longer than you breathe in as it switches off the fight or flight response. If you’re out in social situations, get them to focus outside themselves – ask them how many different colours can they see, how many different types of footwear. If they’re less internally focused, they are more able to connect, and when we connect, we are not lonely.

Help & advice

YMCA – Brighton’s Youth Advice Centre is a safe space where any young person age 13-25 can talk to a worker one-to-one and receive support 
Daily drop in Monday-Thurs 3-6pm and Friday 3-5.30pm, 11 St Georges Place, Brighton BN1 4GB

Albion in the Community, working to improve health and wellbeing, education and aspirations of Brighton’s community
Premier League Kicks is a project that offers free weekly football sessions to children between 7 and 18 and combines free football with workshops and lifestyle advice in subjects like domestic violence, anti-homophobia, anti-racism, substance misuse and road safety.

Childline offers support and advice for young people who feel lonely or isolated 
Call Childline for free on 0800 1111

Anxiety UK has information, resources and support for parents and young people suffering from social anxiety as well as an online chat service 

Young Minds information and resources for young people suffering from anxiety 

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Raising Teens discussed eating disorders this week with amazing guests and teen contributions from those who have been through it. It was a fascinating discussion that looked at the realities of dealing with this mental illness and how it affects teenagers and their families.

Guests included Tom Quinn from eating disorder charity BEAT, Hope Virgo, campaigner and author, Mary Kemp, nurse and consultant and Nicky, the parent of a teen that had an eating disorder.

Hope Virgo’s #dumpthescales campaign argues “too often individuals are turned away from receiving essential support because they aren’t skinny enough to be considered at risk”. Join us and sign her petition calling on the government to review their guidance on eating disorders delivered by clinicians.

🔊 Listen to Raising Teens: Eating disorders

🔊 Listen to Lola’s extended interview with a teen who’s experienced an eating disorder

Here are our guests’ advice on helping a teen with an eating disorder

Hope Virgo

Go to your GP. Talk to your teenager and take them to your GP to try and access that support, because as soon as we start talking about it and get that support, we can get on the waiting list for CAMHS and you can start the process before the behaviours get so ingrained in that person’s head.

Mary Kemp

Don’t wait. Trust your instincts. You know when something’s not right with your child. Don’t tell yourself it’s nothing. Take action. Waiting doesn’t make it go away.

Tom Quinn

Early intervention is so important for eating disorders. If we delay the illness becomes ingrained and it’s much harder to treat. For any parents and carers out there worried about their loved ones, find a time soon to get alongside your loved one and talk to them about how they’re feeling and get that help that they probably need. 

Nicky

Trust your instincts. If you feel that there’s an issue, there probably is. Talk – try and confront the issue. Be prepared for lies. Be prepared for secretive behaviour. Try not to take it personally because it is a mental disorder and reach out to the experts available to try and help get to the bottom of that mental disorder and just be open and don’t be ashamed of the situation. It is a really emotional time for everyone concerned so allow yourself to be emotional and allow other people to be emotional.

Help & advice

BEAT, national eating disorder charity with information advice and national helpline
Helpline 0808 801 0677
Under-18s Youthline 0808 801 0711
Beat also offers Echo peer coaching 

The Hub of Hope, a national mental health database of organisations and charities across the country who offer local advice and support. Includes a Talk Now button connecting users directly to the Samaritans 

NHS advice and information about eating disorders

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BBC Raising Teens covered self-harm, looking at how it affects teens and parents. Jane, whose daughter self-harms, spoke movingly about how it has affected her and her family. Jane’s story was initially told on our blog. We were also joined by CAMHS Nurse, Rebecca, education specialist, Kathryn de Ferrer and mental health specialist, Ren Rockwood. This episode aired on BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey in November 2019.

🔊 Listen to Raising Teens: Self-harm

Here are our guests’ top tips:

Rebecca, CAMHS nurse
“If you’re really worried, go to your GP. Don’t be afraid of asking for help. Look up charities like Selfharm UK, Hopeline UK which is part of Papyrus, and Young Minds has a really useful crisis messenger service. Mind Out is a really good LGBTQ charity.” (All details and links below)

Kathryn de Ferrer, education specialist
“Whatever you’re hearing from your teenager, stay calm. Don’t react, listen.”

Ren Rockwood, mental health specialist
“Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing. If you’re really concerned and think they’re at risk, go to A&E.”

Jane, parent of a child who self-harmed
“Be really patient and calm Listen and don’t judge them. And when it comes to getting help, follow your gut instinct. You will definitely get it if you keep shouting loud enough – go to the school, your GP, CAMHS and even the police – they’re there to protect the public and can help.”

Help & Advice

For more information and advice on self-harm and how it affects teens and parents: 

Selfharm UK – now Alumina, a charity that offers free online self-harm support for 10-17 year-olds. Dedicated to self-harm recovery, insight and support  

Young Minds information and advice on dealing with self-harm 

Young Minds Crisis Messenger 24/7 for young people, crisis support for young people text YM to 85258
Free and Confidential on EE, O2, Three and Vodafone

Young Minds Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544

Papyrus ,For children and young people under the age of 35 experiencing thoughts of suicide or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide

HOPELINEUK call 0800 068 4141 text 07786209697 email pat@papyrus-uk.org 9am – 10pm weekdays, 2pm – 10pm weekends, 2pm – 10pm bank holidays. 

Mindout,  LGBTQ mental health service

Mermaids, Gender variant and trans mental health service

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Raising Teens looked into the topic of alcohol last night. We covered teens’ attitudes to drinking and how that might be affected by their parents, by a culture that seems to encourage and glamorise drinking and advertising.

We also looked at how teens can find help if a parent drinks too much. Ceri Walker’s powerful story about how she coped as a child was really moving. There’s a ton of great advice for parents and teens from our guests, Piers Henriques from NACOA (the National Association for Children of Alcoholics), Fran Carpenter from Oasis Project, helping women and families affected by drugs and alcohol, Luci Hammond from RU-OK, a substance misuse service for Brighton & Hove, and Ceri Walker, the daughter of an alcoholic parent.

🔊 Listen to Raising Teens: Teens, Parents & Booze

There are some useful links for places to get help and advice below, meanwhile, do watch Ceri’s powerful video for NACOA.

Here are our guest’s top tips:

Fran Carpenter:

“If someone’s worried about their parents’ drinking, maybe speak to someone at the school or a trusted adult in their life. Don’t be scared to talk about your worries. For parents worried about their own drinking, there’s support at Oasis, and mutual aid in the community like AA. We know it’s scary and a really difficult time but when people start making that change, positive things really do happen in their life and it can be a real oportunity to strengthen families and relationships.”

Ceri Walker:

“There’s also Young Oasis which has art therapists, so children who are struggling with things like emotions and wondering who to talk to, there’s so many different ways they can explore that through arts therapy.

“I want to say to all young people, you didn’t cause it, it’s not your fault. Do seek help in whatever way you feel is appropriate. Whatever it is, for you and your family, please just do something.”

Piers Henriques:

Shame isn’t something you should try to pretend isn’t there. A lot of the people who call [NACOA], they are being made to feel ashamed because their parents are telling them not to call because they are shaming the family. So it’s not easy and there’s no easy top tip, but try and give to somebody in that situation other than, try and express yourself. Empowering yourself through expressing yourself can be incredibly good but it’s not necessarily all on you… overcoming shame is something doesn’t go away very easily. It’s just about working on it over time and realising that your problems aren’t unjustified. People are there for you and they understand the pain you’ve gone through is real.

Luci Hammond:

“We’re all non-judgemental services. You’re. not going to get someone telling you what to do, telling you you’re a bad person, a bad parent, you’re just going to get someone who wants to hear you and wants to help you, and the hardest thing is that first phone call but once you’re through that, for most people it’s easier from thereon.”

Help & Advice

Alcohol Change UK has a useful fact sheet on alcohol and parenting 

NACOA, National Association for Children of Alcoholics, offers advice and information, including a helpline 0800 358 3456

RU-OK? Part of Brighton & Hove Children’s Services, working alongside under 18s whose lives are affected by substance misuse in Brighton & Hove

Oasis Project, Brighton – helping people affected by drugs and alcohol

Young Minds’ offer information for parents worried about their child’s use of alcohol or drugs

Young Minds’ offer information for parents worried about their child’s use of alcohol or drugs