Teens

on

If anyone out there has gone through, or is going through a family breakup, then don’t miss the latest episode of Raising Teens. It’s a really positive and heart-warming discussion about everything involved, including some excellent advice from our guests, Alex Psaila from Relate, Jo Heywood, an education specialist, Dan Flanagan from the brilliant Dad La Soul, and our very own Daisy Cresswell.

🔊 Listen to Raising Teens: Family breakups

The discussion covered everything from how to deal with a teenager’s emotions as well as your own during a family separation, step-families, rituals and routines, how to create a calm environment at home and how schools can help.

Here are our guests’ top tips:

Alex Psaila:

“Use your resources wisely. Try and talk to your friends who will listen to you. Discriminate between the friends who tell you what to do and those who actually listen… Don’t chose the friends who take sides – that’s not what you need.”

Jo Heywood:

“Don’t forget the school and the [fact that it’s a] constant for your child. Schools can help with organisation, with counselling, they can help with leniency when it comes to work or emotions if the child has to step out. They can tell you, if they’re looking at a particular topic in a syllabus that might be difficult for that child, they can give you a heads up.”

Daisy Cresswell:

“My advice to parents would be to compartmentalise – don’t try and fix everything at once. And listen to your body because your mind and body won’t necessarily be in sync. If you’re absolutely exhausted, rest.”

Dan Flanagan:

“Don’t fall into the traps – I thought I could go away and drown my sorrows down the pub. Instead I took up yoga and started swimming in the sea. The other bit of advice is to talk – especially men. We don’t do it enough.”

Further help & advice

Relate offers relationship and family counselling as well as information and advice on separation and divorce as well as useful information on dealing with children’s feelings and behaviour

Dad La Soul, a a revolutionary, grassroots movement, that uses the arts, music, tech and play to tackle social isolation in dads and kids

West Sussex Council’s Find it Out Centres for Young People are for anyone between 11 and 25. They offer drop-in advice and information. To talk to someone in confidence young people will need to make an appointment

CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) for Sussex

Childline offers children information and advice, and a listening ear

The Samaritans offer 24/7 support: https://www.samaritans.org/ or call 116123 for free

on

Dealing with teen is never an easy task, and as a tired parent, just in from work, we don’t always check our emotions and react well – particularly when we’re arguing with an articulate “mini-me”!

Last night’s episode of Raising Teens discussed Kicking Off, and our brilliant guests gave their top tips for dealing with an angry teen. 

🔊 Listen to Raising Teens: Kicking Off

The thing that stood out for me most from all the great advice was to take a breath and not to react in the moment. Walk away if necessary. And then find time to listen when things have calmed down. 

Our four guests ended the show with their top tips for dealing with an angry teen. If you have any good tips, please share them in the comments below.

Ed Hallwood from Room To Rant at Audio Active

“Respect the opinions of your teenagers. Be calm, listen and remember that they are an individual. You can’t change them. They have to change for themselves.”

Carl Scott, Reboot project worker for YMCA in Hastings

“Just let them know you’re there for them whenever they need to talk. Concentrate on the positives, not the negatives. Children often make 50 steps forward and 10 steps back and a lot of us concentrate on the 10 steps back. Try and get them to understand and take responsibility for their actions.”

PC Joe Davies from Sussex Police working in the youth prevention team

“Listening to these teenagers is going to go such a long way because if you create that safe environment for them where they can talk to you, they will tell you what’s wrong…. It’s really hard to stay calm when they’re angry, but get angry with a partner or a friend, vent to them, and try and stay calm and listen.”

Donna Peters-Lamb from Make Sense Psychotherapy

“Anger gets a bad press and it shouldn’t. It’s often just a sign-poster. Sometimes you don’t know why you’re angry and that’s what’s so confusing about it because it is often just the symptom of something and not the actual cause. So, don’t act on the symptom. Try to listen. Acknowledge their feelings and your own. Don’t react until you’re both ready.

“It might not be about you as a parent, so don’t take it personally. Don’t enter into that ring ready for a fight because you think your young person is angry with you. It may be nothing to do with you. But they are putting it on you, because you’re a safe place to put it. Be aware with that and don’t just pick it up and run with it because then you’re moving away from the original feeling that the young person was trying to communicate to you. It’s a lot of self-reflection. A lot of self-awareness. And breathe, breathe, breathe…”

Help & Advice

Audio Active’s Room to Rant A space for young men to be themselves, talking and exploring their struggles and life experiences through spoken word, rap and hip hop.

NHS advice on teen aggression and arguments 

Young Minds’ advice for teens on anger 

Young Minds’ advice for parents on anger

on

We think every day should be World Mental Health Day. Because more needs to be done to help those who need it. We’re working with teens to highlight their wellbeing and to give them a voice. We’re also giving parents support in our brand new series of Raising Teens, starting on Monday 4 November on BBC Sussex and BBC Surrey. This series we’re looking at teen anger, alcohol, grief, self-harm, family breakdowns, eating disorders, loneliness and the teenage brain. Each episode includes the voices of teens, interviewed by our teen reporter Lola, and advice from parents and experts. 

Raising Teens radio show promotional image

On World Mental Health Day, we’re calling for more should be invested in our young people – from a better education system – one that feeds our children’s minds and creativity and doesn’t exclude those who don’t fit – youth clubs and out of school support, all of which has seen a huge cut in funding over the past decade. The number of teenage suicides has risen 67% between 2010 and 2017 in England and Wales according to the Office for National Statistics. We think there should also be more support for parents and carers, teachers and health workers dealing with the rise in young people with mental health issues.

You can catch up on all of series 1 of Raising Teens which covers social media, school stress, sleep, resilience, body image, relationships, the teen brain and teen language. 

Plus, here are a ton of really useful links that we’ve collected along the way from all the amazing experts we spoke to.  If we’ve missed any really good organisations from our list, let us know in the comments below. Thank you!

on

Make (Good) Trouble’s mission is to help break down the barriers between teens and adults, to put paid to the myth that teenagers are just sullen, snowflakey beings that need to “grow up”, “pipe down” or “behave”.

A brand new book – out today – really chimes with our purpose. ‘Why Your Parents Are Driving You Up the Wall and What To Do About It’ is a brand new book written for teenagers by neuroscientist Dean Burnett. The book describes in glorious detail how the changes in the teenage brain fundamentally affect the relationship teens have with their parents. It looks into how parents’ fixed brains are befuddled by their teen’s seemingly risky, volatile, unthinking behaviour. It includes fantastic troubleshooting guides for teens to help with their parents’ inflexible demands – bringing understanding – and hopefully some sense of calm – on both sides. Want to know why your parents think “you treat this house like a hotel?” Dean Burnett explains. And yes, it’s the parents’ fault. 

“The truth is, you have always treated the house like a hotel, by assuming your parents will take care of all the housework. Because for your whole life thus far, they did!”

Dan Burnett: Why Your Parents Are Driving You Up the Wall and What to Do About It

It’s intelligently written – which is what you’d expect from a neuroscientist! – but as it’s aimed at teens (who start at 10 years old by the way). It’s refreshingly frank, warm, honest and funny and really does relate to all the realities of the parent-teen relationship. 

The book is particularly fascinating when it comes to descriptions of the brain and how it works, giving us a real insight into the teenage brain and how it impacts on everything from sleep, social media and school to family and mental health. 

Read this book if you’re a teenager. If you know a teen, do them a favour and buy them a copy.